telephone czar

"i hate new love, i hate new relashonships."
i say under my breathe. I'm standing in a government run poison shop, in the middle of a dying mall. I am waiting for the sickness that is killing this ghost town to catch up with this end of the once thriving consumer depot. I'm waiting.
and staring out the front door into the cuddling, fondling 20 something couple just ripe with heart break in their future. he is over clean, he thought through it very well before meeting her at some location, she is so perky with her "we will fuck as soon as you want" skirt and "for some reason my breast must have grown since i put on this shirt" tank top. they look longingly at each other touching one another as if there brains might actually start to work if they stop. but they wont, they can't stop. "love" the chemical equivelant to brain damaging addiction has ahold of them. and the proof that this feeling has retarded them is that they are having a date at this 1970's 100 oaks mall of doom.........it is "The Village" of the damned. and here they are and love has got ahold of them.

"me and my husband have been together for 17 years and we are just as happy/touchy as we were in the beginning" says the obese/balding/miserable/squatty/badly permed lady behind the counter.
i think "if u were that awful in the beginning and this man has managed to even slightly love u for 17 years cupid must have been using bullets."
she says "your jaded for a 'beoye' so young. Try to look at it like a opening to happyness."

Love from happiness? Happiness from love?
I stare back out side. Looking at "the googley dolls" making kissy faces at each other. That are so appaling Barney the purple fucking dinosaur would pick up a mallet and smash them until their remains were the same color as him.
"Is that happiness?" i accidently say out loud.
"Yes until it stops" says the bald bag, tool of a bitch.

Tweedle dee and Dumb stop gazing at each other long enough to realize that they have been standing outside of the store for 20 minutes, and move inside to aquire a poison that will be used to increase the intoxicating spin of there late night non-productive breeding experiment.
They must rub and fondle and lean on their whole 40 minute voyage through the smallest store in the world. Brain Damage. They are here to add poison to their addiction.
"Do they look happy?" my thoughts wander as I in full use of my "securtity agent"title stare at them to keep my thoughts moving.
They look like they dont have enough time or energy to maintain that for the rest of their lives.
It could kill them, the amount of glee, giggle, spurts, flirts, gushes, gurts, gimps, goofs, bounces, pounces and pleasure is guaranteed to give them a heart attack if there is any sort constant exposure. It's on the Love Potion Label. Don't they know this?
Love as ahold of them. They don't want to let go, they don't want it to slow or slide, they want more, love is their high, the gushes pushing them through their day and onto the next.

I wander the store. They are gone. i am here, upholding the sanctity of paying for your booze.
I am the watcher of the poison.
"Have I ever been happy? Am I just the watcher for that."
(I have a tendancy for the over dramatic. pardon my ridiculous thought. Just a narration.)
"Has love ever had ahold of me?"
"How do you stretch the feeling out without giving yourself that heart attack?"

The half haired streched jello carcass stares at me after an hour has passed.
"You have to hold on to the other person."
She says. Then walks into the back.
Fire like thoughts project into my head. Almost breathing life into a room of stale elderly people waiting to die. A rush of colors and meaning that will in no way be explained in my following thoughts.
"years may pass" i think.
"Its not about the feeling taking you. Its about you taking the feeling. Creating it. Letting and making it live. Like you did in the first place. Whenever anyone "falls" in love, they create it, they idolize it, they move the other person around in their head to be that perfect person.
Don't let love get ahold of you..........Get ahold of it. Make it. Imagine it. Fantasize about that person. Make that feeling like you did in the beginning. Its always easier in the beginning.
Thats the only way I could ever love. Truely."

I stare at the wall. The enlightement has subsided. Faded. The room is hard my feet are sore, the walls close in and the clock does not move.
"back to the staring till i can go home."
Love. Addiction. To keep an addiction, you must keep taking it in.
Ask me I'm the best addict in the world.
Love.... get ahold of me.

"i miss that stupid ache."

to andrews dead blog, and to me cause i rock.

"Lo! Who is that, skulking along the desert! It is Tavius Marshall, hands clutching a vorpal blade! And with a low bellow, his voice cometh:

"I'm going to contort you backwards in time, and hijack your momma's airplane!""-andywoo collins

may ur blog rest in peace.

its funny cause its true.

ill go into details about the truth of this and how fucked up it is later.....or u can start without me.

our god is an awesome god!

beauty is not in the eye of the beholder. its right here.

its times like theseq

"i don't care what you do
i'm getting out
no, nothing ever shames me
don't want a thing from you
i'm going out
i don't care if you're angry

i should have thought things through
i'm holding out but not getting an answer
i want to do right by you
but i'm finding out cheating gets it faster" -jimmy eat world

cheers darlin

"Please please please
No more melodies
They lack impact, they're petty
They've been made up already
Please please please
No more maladies
I'm so tired of crying
You'd think I was a siren
But me and everybody's on the sad same team
And you can hear our sad brain screaming

Give us something familiar
Something similar
To what we know already
That will keep us steady
Steady
Steady going nowhere

Please please please
No apologies
At best they buy you time
Until you next step out of line
Please please please
No more remedies
My method is uncertain
It's a mess but it's working
And maybe if you tried it out
You won't like it when you're crying out

Give us something familiar
Something similar
To what we know already
That will keep us steady
Steady, steady
Steady going nowhere"
fiona

in the words

"i said i wanted to be alone alone with him
alone with him.

He said he wanted to be alone
alone with her.

She said she wanted to be alone
alone with me." - sam phillips

rock the casba

so everyone who doesnt believe in the existance of video games and there use to all that exist, and all who dont believe in the existance of books, and all that dont believe in the existance of nerds, and all that dont believe in the existance of chipmunks, and all the dont believe in the existance of us being not much better than monkeys and all that dont believe in the existance of something better than u, and all that dont believe in the existance of love, and all that dont believe in the existance of all of us being evil, and all that dont believe in the existance of learning, and all that dont believe in nothing.....and all that dont look at these things as the highest point in the universe, and bow before them.
go fuck urselves
seriously.....dont reproduce.
i hate u.
believe in that.

its in my head zombie

"You're such an inspiration for the waysThat I will never ever, ever choose to be,Oh so many ways for me to show you how your saviorHas abandoned you.Fuck your God, your lord, your Christ, he did this,Took what you had and left you this wayStill you pray never stray, never taste of the fruit,Never thought to question why.[Chorus]It's not like you killed someone,It's not like you drove the hateful spear into his side,Praise the one who left you broken down and paralysed.He did it all for you.He did it all for you.[Verse 2]Oh so many ways for me to show you how yourDogma has abandoned youPray to your Christ to your godNever taste of the fruit, never stray, never break,Never choke on a lie.Even though he's the one who did this to you,You never thought to question why.[Chorus]It's not like you killed someone,Yt's not like you drove the spiteful spear into his side,Talk to Jesus Christ as if he knows the reasons why.He did it all for you.He did it all for you.He did it all for you. "

it is finished

fuck

drink drink! smoke smoke!
keep on rapping cause ur lifes a joke!